My first two fingers on my right hand started to go numb not a big deal not painful but it didn't go away this didn't seem like much, so I figured I'd go to my chiropractor and he'd fix it real quick. But the numbness didn't go away with the chiropractor in fact the numbness kept spreading I think about every week it would spread a little further and it was getting frustrating. Each week got more frustrating I felt like I was taking crazy pills,I saw 1 more Dr with no answers. The first time I felt any kind of comfort was when I finally saw a new doctor, he was the first person who said something is wrong and I finally felt like it wasn't just me and I wasn't going crazy.He said I needed an MRI for him to really know what was going on.
When money is tight it's hard to want to get expensive tests taken so I waited a few weeks hoping to resolve the numbness by myself and not get the MRI but nothing was getting better in fact it was getting worse, less mobility in my right arm, and spreading all over my body. Finally one Monday I broke down in tears and realized I can't fix this myself and set up an appointment for the MRI.
At this point all I really wanted from the MRI was answers to what was wrong with me. When the doctor called the same day with the MRI results I knew something was up. He quickly told me it looks like MS and I was actually super happy. I was so happy to know that I wasn't crazy and that something was wrong with me that now that we knew what it was we could work on fixing it. That whole weekend I was super happy, I actually think it made people uncomfortable with how happy I was.
It wasn't until the following week that it really started to sink in. After 5 days of steroid treatment with minimal success I got quite frustrated and it started to sink in that this is not a quick fix but a lifelong struggle. I got pretty frustrated and finally admitted to myself and to God that I was angry, angry that I have MS. It seems funny but it was very therapeutic for me to acknowledge my emotions of anger, once I acknowledged I was angry and admitted that there was nothing I could do about it I was going to have MS whether I was angry or not, surprisingly I was able to move on. I felt much better and was able to cope.
About two weeks after the MRI I got a spinal tap that was TERRIBLE!!! I was on my back in bed for a week with a spinal headache. In one way though it was a good experience because once I was able to get out of bed again I realize that being bedridden is worse then having my numbness, because at least with my numbness I could still do most things.
I have been super thankful for a cousin and neighbor and surprisingly Ann Romney, Who all have MS, they all shared there hope with me that though it is not fun to have MS there is a new normal and things will get better with treatment.(Ann Romney has some YouTube clips talking about how she dealt with MS, I do not know her personally). having others who have gone through what I am going through really is so comforting.
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